Funny Horse Jokes and Cartoons
A Preacher wanted to raise money for his church and, being told there were fortunes in racehorses, he decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.
However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races, and to his surprise, the donkey came in third.
The next day the racing sheets carried the headlines, "Preacher's Ass shows"
The Preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the races again and this time he won! The papers said, "Preacher's Ass out in Front"
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Preacher not to enter the donkey in another race.
The newspaper printed this headline, "Bishop Scratches Preacher's Ass" This was just too much for the Bishop and he ordered the Preacher to get rid of the animal.
The Preacher decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The headlines the next day read, "Nun has the Best Ass in Town" The Bishop fainted.
He informed the Nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey and she finally found a farmer who was willing to buy it for $10.00. The paper states, "Nun Peddles Ass for Ten Bucks".
They buried the Bishop the next day.
The Chicken and the Horse Joke
It’s an old one but still funny.....
A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Porsche back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Porsche to pick up chicks.
Old Cowboy Joke
Here's another horse joke for a chuckle, although we think this one is more of a groan -lol.
An old cowboy came riding into town on a hot, dry, dusty day.
The local sheriff watched from his chair in front of the saloon as the cowboy wearily dismounted and tied his horse to the rail. The cowboy then moved slowly to the back of his horse, lifted its tail, and placed a big kiss where the sun don't shine.
He dropped the horse's tail, stepped up on the walk and aimed toward the swinging doors of the saloon.
"Hold on there, Mister," said the sheriff. "Did I just see what I think I saw?"
"Reckon you did, Sheriff. I got me some powerful chapped lips."
"And that cures them?" the Sheriff asked.
"Nope, but it keeps me from lickin' 'em."
On a lighter note: Here is a Horse Joke-here goes.....
My riding instructor said to me during my lesson, “Your horse is suffering from Equine Thrombosis”.
I was puzzled so I asked, “What causes that?”
He replied very dryly, “It’s caused by a clot in the saddle!”
If You Marry A Horse Woman Joke
The first man married a woman who loved dogs. He told her she was to do the dishes and all the house cleaning.
It took a couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and the dishes had all been washed and put away.
The second man married a woman who loved cats. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, wash the dishes and do all the cooking.
He didn’t see any results the first day, but the next day, he saw it was better. By the third day, he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done, and a huge dinner was on the table.
The third man married a woman who had horses. He ordered her to keep the house clean, do the dishes, mow the lawn, and have a hot meal on the table every night.
He said that on the first day, he didn’t see anything; the second day, he didn’t see anything, but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down, and he could see a little out of his left eye, and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.
He still has some difficulty when he pees.
The moral of the story is that when you spend time with animals that are up to ten times your size, you don’t take crap off anyone.